Deal with it
by newdarlin
Summary: "Harvey is everything all right?" Still in shock, "I… I … um … I think have a kid" were the only words he managed to speak, a small grin on his lips nonetheless. Established Darvey, a year after 8x16
1. The mysterious woman

**Hi everyone! **

**So, I had this idea for a Darvey fic for a while now, I just didn't have the time/courage to write it down… **

**This is my first fic writing, ever. In English, ever. (English is not my mother tongue), therefore I apologize for any mistakes I may have made, if you see one, pls DM so I can correct it.**

**I don't have a beta either… **

**I really hope you'll enjoy it! I loved writing this first chap.**

**Please be kind with me**

**Reviews are always very welcome here or on my twitter (@newdarlin****)**

**Good Reading**

**F r a nXXXXX**

_The Mysterious woman:_

She woke up with a smile on her face. Nothing would be able to take that smile away from her. No Hardman, Huntley or some Gibbs news would be able to do so.

The reason of this beautiful grin is happily placed on her finger. She still couldn't believe it. It seemed so surreal. She sometimes thought she would wake up and find out, none of this is true. Maybe, just maybe, he never came by her place, never admitted his feelings for her, even less committed to them. Maybe she would wake up all alone, in her cold bed. Again. Maybe, the life she lived for a year, was the only result of her brain messing up with 13 years of repressed feelings.

But as the year went by, her fantasy never faded away. And, to make it even more real, last night, he finally proposed.

He planned the hole thing without her noticed, wanted to take her by surprise. And, surprised he made her. A first in their long relationship, considering Donna is, well Donna.

He took her to Del Posto, their favourite restaurant. Then they went to see Hamlet at the theatre, and seeing him trying not to fall asleep was almost as entertaining as the play. Eventually they ended up walking, holding hands in Central Park when he turned to her, saying how much he loves her and how she means the world to him. A second later, he was on his knee with a little black box containing this 3 ct diamond.

So, when she looked at her hand this morning, she smiled.

They have gone through hell and back together to say the least. More than once. First as partners, then as friends, best friends even. Now ready to take that journey again – if necessary – as a _couple_.

She still remembers in her bones the moments she thought on giving up on him. Hardest time there were. Trying to move on, first when she 'left' him for Louis, and then with Thomas Kessler, it only meant losing him. As much as she loves herself, she loves herself even more when he's around. He has that power over her, his warm aura always embracing her when he enters a room. Losing him as never been on the table. No matter what, she would stick with him till the end.

And to be sure of it a little bit more every day, she chooses to only remember what made her stay. His voice, when he greets her in the morning. His eyes, when she wants to look at him only to find his gaze already locked on her, and his embarrassed face when he realises, he's been caught. His touch when she hands him files and their fingers brush. His smile, when she tells him 'She's Donna'. His heart, she knows full all love even if he never says it, not the way she wants him to. His blind, complete devoted trust in her, as she often wonders how it comes, she deserves that amount of faith from another person. Because he believes in her, and she in him, more than anything or anyone in the world. They were, _are _their forever person.

Her morning thoughts made her smiled, as she got out of bed. Making her way towards the kitchen, she picked up their scattered clothes, sweet souvenir of the hurry they were in last night, trying more or less to tidy a little the home before starting to cook breakfast.

_XXXXXXXXXX_

As Harvey walked into the apartment this morning, a nice smell of bananas, cinnamon and vanilla told him his favourite redhead was finally up. He stepped towards the kitchen, and found her struggling with her hair falling into the pancake batter. Putting his harm on her waist, his lips gently meet her temple in a soft kiss. "Morning beauty"

Immediately relaxing in his embrace, she whispered: "Morning mister"

"Did you sleep well?" he asked softly.

"As I recall, I didn't sleep much thanks to you" she chuckled.

"Was worth it though" he responded whilst turning her to face him. She put her arms around his neck as he leaned for a kiss. The lips' caress is sweet, calm and full of love. They separated slowly staring at each other like nothing else mattered. Harvey finally broke the embrace to take his cup of coffee and sat himself across the kitchen island.

"How was your run?" she questioned, facing him.

"Not long enough. I couldn't find my sneakers in all the boxes, which lead to me getting a bit late so I had to shorted it. We really messed up untitled the cartons. I found them in the 'household product' box" he hardly articulated, a piece of pancake in the mouth.

"I know" she sighed "I searched almost 20 minutes for the pan this morning. We really need to finish unboxing them this weekend, I can't stand the view of brown anymore!", she added with a bit of annoyance.

"Yeah… we really should. When is the couch supposed to be delivered?" he asked.

"Thursday morning between 9 and 10:30 AM. Don't worry about it I'll stay at home and work from here"

"Works for me" he agreed.

They continued their talking on the boxes' issue for a moment, as Donna finished the dishes and Harvey his breakfast. When he finally decided it was time for him to get ready for work, he invited: "I'm going to take a shower, care to join me?" he asked, his lips turning into a grin.

"I don't mind if I do" she responded with the same smile on her face.

_XXXXXXXXXX_

They arrived right on time at work. They entered the 50th floor and Harvey got ambushed by Gretchen who has been waiting for him. He quickly kissed Donna's cheek and followed the secretary. Donna made her way to her office and didn't even had the time to sit as she heard Samantha walking towards her desk.

"Oh god Donna finally you're here"

"Yes, I'm right on time" the redhead replied, sitting down, inviting the name partner to do the same. "Why you need me already?"

"I'm afraid I do yes, Louis is gonna kill one of the associates if he doesn't take a few days off. He almost threw a chair at Linda because she was stapling some files and he couldn't stand the noise." The blond answered quite desperately "I don't know what to do with him. Could you please go see him because if he doesn't stop treating everyone like shit, I won't need a boxing bag for much longer, his head will perfectly do the job!"

"Looks like you might use some vacations too" she joked,

"Don't tell me about it, I would kill for a spa day. The Jackhill contract is burring me" Samantha nodded, relaxing in the chair.

"Don't worry, I'll go talk to Louis. For our sake. And his." Donna chortled.

"Thank you, Donna,", she replied, and as she was ready to go, her look got blocked on Donna's finger. "OH MY GOD IS THAT WHAT I THINK THIS IS?". The volume of Samantha's voice caught Donna by surprise, but the redhead burst into laughter when she saw her friend's face waiting for her to respond.

"Yes, yes, it is absolutely what you think it is. Harvey proposed last night" she nodded

"Shut the front door Don, he finally put his balls on the table" Samantha stated proudly.

"You have no idea…". The answer got the women in even more laughter. When they finally stopped, Samantha reached for the door, and just before leaving turned back to Donna with a genuine smile "I'm really happy for the two of you Donna, Harvey is a really lucky man"

"Thank you, Sam", Donna smiled back, fiddling her ring she wasn't used to have. _ Yet_.

_XXXXXXXXXX_

"So, Gretchen, why do you need me for?" the lawyer asked

"A young lady wanted to see you and said it was urgent" the secretary returned

"Did she say what kind of emergency?"

"No sir. Not at first. But she was very specific."

"Specific… how specific?"

"She told us that she would only speaks to you. you and only you. That's how specific. I told her then you weren't here yet, but Cameron could take a message. She asked if it was possible to wait for you, I checked with Cameron if you were available this morning and since you are, I put her in conference room B. She's waiting for you"

"What did you say her name was again?"

"I didn't sir, she wouldn't' tell us. I don't know what the hell you did to the woman Mr Specter, but from where I stand, you're quit in trouble"

"Thank you, Gretchen" Harvey nodded not so amused by the secretary's comment. As he walked to the room, he wondered who on earth this woman was and what the hell did she want from him. She wanted to speak to him and him only. It is known he is the best closer in all NYC, but by the description Gretchen made of her, she didn't seem to need legal advices for a firm that Samantha, Alex or even Louis couldn't have given her. As he ran through the different possibilities on who this desperate woman could be, he came to the rather non reassured conclusion she wasn't here for any kind of business talk. If this was not a professional matter, it only left the personal. And this perspective started to worry him.

When he pushed the door to enter, he wasn't anxious anymore, he was surprised. Surprised because this mysterious woman wasn't here. He checked the door. 'Conference room B'. He was sure this was the room Gretchen told him she was in. Weird. He decided to take a look in the others conference rooms to confirm he wasn't mistaken but no, it was definitely the B one. _Perhaps she went to the bathroom_ he said to himself, _I'm gonna wait for her a little. _So, he took a chair, sat himself, and waited. And waited. And waited. Five minutes became ten which became twenty. And still nothing, no mysterious woman. He was a rather nice guy but no fool. That goddanm woman made him lost enough time. He even wondered if it wasn't Louis and Gretchen trying to fool him with one of their now famous 'Partner-Secretary jokes and hoaxes'. He was ready to go kick both of their asses, when he spotted a torn-up paper near the ben, one part in it the other lying on the floor. He took a step back to catch it and throw it when the -H written on it caught his attention. As he looked closer to the paper, he understood what he took at first for a simple deposition draft was in reality a letter. No envelop was needed, it was creased in a 18th century letter style. He also noticed a half-picture of what seemed to be the legs of a kid. He opened it; his curiosity now picked up. He read the first half of it. He shouldn't have. Or at least that's what he first thought. He never read a letter faster than this one. The words were only knives stabbing him as his eyes ran through the piece of paper. It felt like his whole world was collapsing around him. He could have stop it, by stopping to read this letter, he could have saved the life that was his. He fought. He fought the need to finish it and have the final world. He fought the need to understand what it meant. He fought it as hard as he could. He was finally in a good place. He finally had the life he dreamed of. A good job. The job he struggled tooth and nails to get. A job he never could have had without her. Without Donna. Without the love of his life. His best friend. His confident. The one person who stood by him no matter what. The only person who knows him. All of him. His joys, his wounds, his fears, what he wants, what he needs. She knows him better than he knows himself. She makes him feel complete. She fills a whole in his heart he never thought could be. She is everything. _His _everything. _His._ And he could have protected her, them, their life. He only had to stop reading. But today Harvey Specter lost. He lost against himself, and it might mean losing her too.

But suddenly it stopped. No more incandescent words. _No, no, no, no, no, no that can't be it, where's the rest? please tell me that's not it the letter does not finish like this._ It doesn't. the second part of it still lies in the ben. Harvey quickly picked it not even caring if someone was passing by. Finding a name partner a hand in the trash might not be exactly good for the firm image. He didn't care. He opened the other half of the letter, as well as the other half of the picture. He stared at her face. The beautiful little face of a max 7-year-old brunette head, her hair gathered in a messy braid, eyes as dark as the night, an inimitable grin on her face and a baseball bat in her hand. She proudly took the pause for the picture and in an instant Harvey felt a warm wave in his heart followed by a sharp ache in his stomach. Tears started to form in his eyes. He finished the letter, and not a word in the world would be able to describe how he was feeling. Lost was the first that came to his mind, and perhaps the truer, but it was far to be sufficient to the reality of the situation. A bomb had just fallen on him. He was devasted. And just like when a bomb is dropped, comes the after. That blurry moment when the ashes fall like the rain, and the smoke slowly fades. What do you do now that the world you lived in is gone, changed forever whether you like it or not? When you can't see the bright and happy future that was ready for you ten minutes ago?

Harvey put his face in his hands, slowly rubbing his hair. His eyes closed, he sighed trying to fully understand what was happening, when he heard a voice calling for him. He looked up and saw a worried Katrina in the door frame. "Harvey is everything all right?"

Still in shock, "I… I … um … I think have a kid" were the only words he managed to speak, a small grin on his lips nonetheless.

**Here it is for chap 1!**

**Hope you enjoyed it, please let me know, your reviews, of any kind, are what motivate us to write and improve ourselves! Just so you know…**

**Have a good day/night/afternoon/diner/spa/vacation…**

**Fran.**


	2. ‘ Do you want to be?’

**Chapter 2, here we are.**

**I want to thanks all of those who took time to read chapter 1, who fav/followed this fic. Means the world to me! So BIG FAT THANK YOU.**

**I do hope you'll like chap 2 as much as I love writing this fic.**

**Still don't have a beta, can you please still be kind?**

**Good reading.**

** XXX**

_'Do you want to be?':_

And then it struck him. "I think I have a child" he said loudly, more himself rather for a complete shocked Katrina. She closed the door after hearing her boss' revelation and approached him a little, speechless. He said it out loud and it was real. He made it real. Spoken words are more valuable than written ones, aren't they?

Katrina sat next to him, quietly observing the piece of paper in his hands. She decided not to ask, just wait. Wait what would Harvey's next move be.

It was too much to take or him. Too much. He didn't want to talk, to no one. But strangely enough, a person's presence, someone he could feel and hear breathing reassured him. They sat in silence for a bit.

The wave passed, Harvey sat up, and walked out of the room. Leaving a very confused Katrina behind, she didn't knew what just happened, she just felt it was something Harvey wouldn't come out of scareless.

_XXXXXXXXXX_

_And you lost it. Again. God you're so stupid! Why did you do that? You don't do that. Not like this, not now, not…ever? Yes, not ever. No. This is not about you nor your pride. This is different. The situation has changed, and maybe him too? Still a no, men like him never change. But I owe her this, and …. him too. Argh I just hate…_

"Mommy?"

_… myself sometimes…_

"Mommy?!" raising her voice

_…and oh, the prize of the 'Idiot of the year' goes to: Sibyl Pay…_

"Moooooommyyyyyyy?" she asks starting to lose her patience

_…ne you throw the letter IN THEIR BEN YOU COULD'NT JUST BRING IT HOME AND BURN IT NO YOU HAD TO_

"MOM!". This time she shouted.

"Wow, fuck, yes, what?". As she finally turned her head, she saw her 6-year-old daughter staring at her with quite a worried face. "Oh, hey peanut, sorry I didn't know you were here. You wanted to ask me something? Is everything alright?"

"You scared me mama" the little girl answered

"Scared you? Why did I do?"

"You were talking and moving your arms and you were angry"

"You … you heard what I said?"

"No, that's the creepy mama, you didn't speak up"

"Oh, thank god" she tells, relieved. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry I scared you, I was just talking to myself" she responds as she kneels before her daughter.

"It's okay mama. I speak to myself sometimes too."

"And what do you say to yourself?" Sybil asked with a smiling face as she feels her daughter relaxing

"It's a secret" she whispered

"I thought we didn't have secrets" she remarked on a funny tone

"Then… who is my dad?" she demanded with the seriousness that caused to fade away every childish part she had.

The question took Sybil by surprised. _Fuck she's good. _She knew her daughter couldn't be fooled like any other child. Not because she knows how to detect lies or has an outstanding emotional intelligence. She has just an … intelligence. You can't simplify things with her. When she asks why red is red, 'Because it is' isn't enough. _No, she needs the all damn light explanation._ Sometimes Sybil forgets the girl is just… well a girl. A kido. A child. A very young person. Her cleverness erases that. It somehow has taken a part of her innocence Sybil wished she hadn't lost. She knows how to play people. She understands the grown-up world more than them. And sometimes she understands too much. To tell the truth Sybil is afraid of this incredible mind. How do you manage to keep your child safe when she is eager for danger? How do you keep her from falling down? How are you supposed to raise someone that in a way…scares you? As much as she asked herself those kinds of questions, they always remained unanswered. That child's intelligence is a gift and a curse all in one, neither of the women really knowing where the balance leans nor how to make it change.

Right now, for Sybil, it was a curse.

"I… um…" _C'on syb say something for god sake. _"Why are you asking me this now?"_ really? That's all you can come up with? _ Her hands began to shake.

"Why do you never talk about him? Why do I don't know him? Do you know who he is?"

"OF COURSE, I KNOW WHO HE IS!" she shouted back, a sob down her throat. Realizing her voice had gone way louder than expected, she added "I'm sorry babe, mommy didn't wanna scream, I'm just surprised you ask me about him". She stopped moving for a minute, her eyes locked on the floor, unable to look at her daughter. Thinking. _Why do I never talk about him?_ because he's not here. But who's fault is that? _Mine. Why does she doesn't know him?_ Because he doesn't know about her either. And again, the fault is all _mine. I know who he is but he doesn't have a clue about who we are._

_Mine mine and mine! _

"Is it weird that a child asks her mom about her dad?" the girl narrowed.

That. That right here. This is what Sybil fears about her daughter, this ability to get to your core and crush it like it's nothing.

"No, it's not" she calmly said, trying to hide her anxiousness "I know you need to talk about it, to talk about him."

For the moment she found out she was pregnant, she never thought of abortion. She wanted to have a child, a little baby, someone to look after and love endlessly. Of course, the circumstances weren't ideal, but she didn't have the courage to abandoned the life growing inside of her. As for the father, well it was something else.

"Mama I can't talk about someone I don't know. Why do you never talk about him? Did he hurt you? Did he hurt me? Is he an evil man? Is he in prison?"

"What, no. where are you getting those awful ideas?". As she hugged her daughter, she understood her mistake. By avoiding the subject, she put wrong ideas in her child's head and her imagination has made the rest. _At least she still has imagination_.

"Your father didn't hurt any of us, and he is not in prison. He is not an evil man you hear me?". The urge to reassure in her voice. "I never talk about him… because I don't know him that much too. I haven't thought of him in a really long time". And that was all but the truth. She prayed for her daughter not to catch the hesitation in her voice. Fortunately, she did, too eager for his name rather than his life. For now.

Sometimes, she would see an inimitable mimic on her daughter's face, or a mannerism she had witnessed with only one person before, and those are reminders, reminders that she shares only half of her genes, the rest belonging to nobody else but a shadow in her memory. _ And I'm reminded too often_. She doesn't talk about him because she doesn't want him to exist. In some way, he already has half of her most precious treasure in the world, she doesn't want him to have more. Not anymore. It is selfish and she knows it but she can't help it. The wonders of a broken love and a damaged ego. He already took enough from her without giving anything back, she needed to have a piece of him for herself. So, she didn't speak. To him, to her, she didn't say a word in 6 years. And when she believed her war against him was finally over, it came back stronger than ever.

"Can you tell me who he is? Please? Mama I don't even know his name, that's not fair. What am I gonna put on my family tree homework for school?"

"Yes, you are right, it is not fair for you. I shouldn't have and I'm sorry." She apologized.

"I won't ask anything else mama, I promise"

"Alright young lady. You have a deal" She knew too well what her daughter will do with that name, but she gave it anyway, perhaps because she won't be able to run away from him next time, she will go and try to see him. She knew a day will come when, his life and her daughter's will be change forever. She just didn't want it to happen to fast. But Charlie began to ask more and more question about this man, this 'father'. Sybil knew it was time to let it go. But God she wasn't ready.

"Harvey Specter" she nodded, as she looked at her daughter running upstairs, screaming a 'Thank you mom ILY', reaching for her laptop.

3 hours later, Charlie knew everything there is to know about her 'dad'. As the fatigue started showing, she began to dream 'Charlie … Payne… Specter'.

_XXXXXXXXXX_

The birds, the trees and the wind. A small and warm breeze running through is hair as he walked near the Hudson. It was 3:00 PM and spring was kind towards one of the buzziest cities in the world. His phones rang.

**Sam: _on my way. Meet you in 10._**

He was sitting on a bench, strangely calm. He seemed peaceful, his mind miles away, wondering. _How? Why didn't she tell me? Why now? Why did she leave? Does it mean she doesn't want me to know? Then why the letter? Yes, it was in the ben… Is this why she left? What does she want from me? _

The hours following this discovery didn't give him any answers. And there was this one question, over the others, kept coming on his mind, trapped in a loop. The question. _Am I really the father?_

Heels running on the pavement got him out of his reflexion, a familiar voice coming along.

"Harvey, this is a quite dangerous move, wanting to meet with me outside the firm without anyone knowing. Your _fiancé _might get suspicious" she teased him.

_Gosh, Don-_

The lack of response from Harvey surprised Samantha, more used to witty comments and fire backs. His face wasn't quite the usual one either.

"Hiii, earth to Harvey" she spoke again, waving her hand before his face. "You know, a simple thank you would suffice. No need to be this melodramatic. Not even an entire day since you're engaged and you're already forgetting your humour" she continued.

Still no response.

"Okay Harvey what the hell?!". This time her tone was different. The annoyance and anxiousness taking over as she saw Harvey's face, more and more decomposed by the seconds. All … lost. She never saw him like this. In fact, she never thought she would.

Samantha's voice removing him from his trans state, he locked his eyes in hers and began "I need a favour. You're not gonna like it. I need you to do it. nobody has to know, not even Don- "he could't finish "not even… not even…"

"Not even Donna" she ended for him. "Harvey would you tell me what is going on? Is the firm okay?"

He took the letter from one of his pockets and gave it to Samantha.

"What's this?" she asked, surprised

"The favour. I need to find out where the person who wrote that lives" he said.

Samantha didn't fight back, nor teased him. The all too seriousness in his voice stopping her. She openned the letter, look at Charlie's picture and finds a familiar grin on her face. Then the words.

Surprise. Shock. Denial.

"Oh my God Harvey, I … I don't know what to say…" she stammered

"There is not much to say" he shrugged

_No, not much to say, sure. You finding out you have a 6-year-old daughter from a woman who's not Donna and that you had no idea about. And you're asking ME to find them and so what huh? But sure, not much to talk about! Moron!_

A little bit of anger was growing inside her as her boss wanted her to lie and hide a secret as big as this one to her friends and colleagues, his fiancé over all. Her goddamn boss Harvey Specter had a long-lost child. This was a thing she never thought she would find out. This was a hell of a day. Though, even if she didn't understand it all, she got the bigger picture and she wasn't an idiot. Above all, it wasn't her story to tell. So, she swore to secrecy.

"Fine Harvey, I'll do it. But first, I have to ask, is it true? Are you this kid's father?"

The question. The one making him struggled more than he thought he could.

"I don't know"

"Do you believe it?"

"I don't know"

"Do you want to believe it?"

"Or as you may say, do I want to be her father?"

Did he? He knew he wanted to be a father. A strawberry blond, freckles, brown eyes and signature grin father. And he hated it, because an awkward feeling muscled into him every time when he looked at her. A warmth he never felt before, a smooth and soft feeling of tenderness wrapping him. Deep down he knew he was, he knew it was true. Call it a fatherhood intuition. His mind was messing with his hearth and he hated it. How could he be so selfish? If he was honest, truly honest, a part of him wished it wasn't, so he could go on with his life, with Donna, with Donna's babies. He hated himself because somehow, he didn't want his _daughter_ to exist to make his life simpler. And what about her? How was it fair to her? It was not and he knew it. Of course, he knew it, he was the perfect example of not choosing to bear your parents burden. But did he want it? To be _her _dad?

"All I know Harvey is, if you, and you do, there's no coming back. You won't be able to stop being… whatever you chose to be towards her. Trust me, that'll break her" she warned.

The past of her associates suddenly coming back in his mind. She didn't have quite family, Robert Zane being what is the closest from a father to her. And she did turn good without one…

Samantha got up, ready to leave "Don't worry Harvey, I'll let you tell Donna about this, but if you want my opinion, don't be afraid of her reaction when you'll tell her, I'm sure she'll understand". At these words she walked away back to the firm he supposed, her words on repeat in his head. _That'll break her_. But hedidn't want to break her, he didn't want to break anyone… _Donna, how am I gonna tell her that_…


	3. The Lie

**Hello everyoooone! Hope you're doing great! **

**First BIG FAT thanks you to those who followed/favourited the story. I'll never say it enough.**

**So, since I wasn't today, I decided to update the fic with chapter 3! And I really hope you'll like it, it gave me a hard time (I suck at writing dialogues and well, there's one pretty important here so I hope I didn't screw it).**

**I don't have a beta so please be kind with me **

**Same as always, reviews are very welcome, **

**Good reading**

** XXX**

_The Lie:_

She went back home early this evening, maybe around 7PM. And yes, it was early for her, more used to spent late nights in her office, or his, eating shitty Thai food and drinking Scotch. Working late doesn't bother them, as long as they're doing it together, simply appreciating each other's company. A taste of their old habits, back when she was – _just _\- his secretary.

But tonight, wasn't going to be one of those nights. Harvey has been a ghost all day. Last time she saw him, it was next to the elevator, then he went with Gretchen, and then he was nowhere to be found. She called him during the day, they were supposed to meet with a client during lunch time. He didn't show up. Nor did the client, who cancelled last minute, maybe for the best, not sure how she would have managed to entertain the conversation when the only thing she was able to think about was _Where is he? Please tell me he's alright._ When she went back to the firm, she hopped – even if she knew she wouldn't – finding him there, sitting on his chair, elbows on his desk and head in his hands, a concentrate look on his face running through a case. But no, the desk was empty. And it was not a habit of him. She knew too well. She knows him too well. Something was going on with him, and she didn't like it. She didn't like it one bit. And god only knows she will find out what.

She opened the door and made her way through the living room. As she put her purse and coat on a pile of boxes, she heard a ringtone._ Finally. _She struggled finding her phone in her bag to eventually taking it out of her jacket. She didn't check who was calling her - she surely didn't care – it _had _to be him. It could _only _be him. She picked up, bringing her phone to her ear and started: "You better have a goddamn good explanation to give me Spec- "

"Miss Paulsen?". She heard a voice calling for her name. A _lady's_ voice.

"Who's asking her?" Donna responded, her tone mixing with incomprehension, anger and anxiety. Incomprehension because _who is this woman? _Anger because _why isn't Harvey over the phone? _Anxiety because _Is she calling to tell me Harvey got into an accident?_

"This is the Seaside Health and Wellness Group, sorry to bother you so late in the evening, but Miss Paulsen said it was ok if we called her as soon as we have her test results back. May I speak to her please?"

That's something she totally forgot about. Okay maybe not _totally_. But she definitely didn't expect a call from them now.

A few weeks ago, she made an appointment in an _older women fertility specialized centre_. Just to check. To be sure. She was going to turn 40 soon, and she knew how hard it can be for a woman to get pregnant. And she wanted to be a mother. God, she wanted it more than anything in the world. And now that she found the right partner – well she found him 13 years ago but who's counting? – time had come. Even though Harvey and her didn't properly discuss it yet, she thought getting a little ahead of the curve wouldn't do any wrongs. She met with Doctor Reilly, a 50-year-old woman, very elegant and chic if you asked her. They discussed for almost one hour, going through Donna's medical past, Harvey's too. Then came more personal questions.

"Have you ever been pregnant?". Donna lowered her head, fiddling with her fingers.

"No, no I haven't". the response was immediate, short and you could hear a little shame in it. As if Donna missed to do her woman's duty when she was fully able to.

"It's okay Donna" the doctor nodded back, a smile saying there's no shame to have, and truth is there's not. Donna smiled back, feeling understood more than she could explain by the woman sitting before her, an intimate feeling of trust and comprehension invading the room.

"Does Harvey have any children?". A fair but strange question nonetheless. One she has never asked herself before. She had no reason to.

"Hum... no, not that we're aware of anyway" she joked.

"Right then. I'm gonna schedule a series of diverse test to see how regular your menstruations and ovulations are, and we'll look at the quality of your eggs too. If they come back clean considering your age and a hole package of factors, we will check Harvey as well, as so we will take only a minimum risk of failure. On the other hand, if you're results aren't as high as we hopped, we'll start with a real big treatment."

Donna nodded and laughed internally when she thought of Harvey having his swimmers checked, and thinking about tomatoes –_ or is it strawberries and whipped cream?_

She did all of the test without telling Harvey. First, she wanted to know where to stand. She answered the lady, a little bit embarrassed "Oh yes, yes, you're speaking to her. I'm sorry for the yelling I thought you were… someone else." She chuckled

"No need to apologize madam, I will put you on the line with . Have a good evening"

"Yes, thank you, good evening to you too". She waited less than 30 seconds before she listened to the gentle but concerned voice of the doctor.

"Donna, nice to have you again" she greated

"Good evening doctor. I heard you have some news for me?". A pause. No immediate answer. Donna knew the woman is taking her time, thinking of the rights words. This pause couldn't be as synonym 'good news'.

The doctor took a deep breath. "I have… and Donna I'm sorry but they're not good". Donna felt the sadness in her voice, her keens starting to shake as she already saw her worst nightmare becoming reality.

"Not good…" she repeated, "Not good how?"

"Not good as they're bad… we think you might have what is known as the pre-menopausal syndrome. I would like to make an appointment with you first thing tomorrow to fully explain to you and run some other tests to make sure we're not mistaken, if you're okay with it." she calmly confessed.

"Pre-menopausal syndrome? But I'm not supposed to be menopaused for another 10 years, I don't understand… does it mean I can't have children,"

"I know this is confusing at first, but Donna please keep in mind this is a first result. Don't jump into conclusions to fast. Others tests are needed to disprove or confirm those results. We have to be a 100% sure before we start something. Do you understand?"

She said yes, but truth is she didn't have a clue to what she just agreed with. Her mind took her far away in the darkness of her fears. Those long pushed back terrors of never being called 'Mommy'. The ones making you sweat at night, tearing your guts out of your stomach. The ones haunting you days, keeping you up at night. The ones you try to forget because you don't want them to exist, the ones you could die of - and for. Those angsts of wanting something so much it could actually destroy every piece of your being, body and soul. Donna didn't think of them in a very long time. She thought they didn't exist anymore. Not until a year ago. Not until they took the plunge. When she finally allowed herself to fantasize about her future with him – not that she didn't before – but this time was different. She thought of a house, a garden, a dog. And kids. Two. A girl and a boy. She already had their names. And as she saw them sitting in the kitchen, eating the breakfast their father just cooked for them, she saw, longing under the table, the shadow she was so sure she got rid of. And before she could move, the shadow took them from her, grabbing their arms and carrying as far away from her as they could possibly be. She couldn't bear it. She felt herself dying from it.

She didn't remember herself hanging up, nor pouring herself -she lost count after the fourth- glasses of red wine

All she remembered was what came after the -potential- sixth glass.

_XXXXXXXXXX_

It was late, and Harvey finally got home. When he entered the house, it was with 3 drinks in the belly and a news he didn't want to give her. God, he didin't want to. He should wait for Samantha. To be sure. Really sure. But he _was _sure. And he didn't want to lie to her. They had a deal. They could have secrets, but no lies. And to others, Charlie's existence may be seen as a secret. But for him, it was a lie. The biggest lie there was. A lie to their engagement, to their commitment. Their relationship. It would be lying to their blind faith in each other. It would be lying to the love he had for her. Not telling her would means smiling at her, kissing her, waking up next to her, making love to her with a bitter taste in the mouth. A taste that would spread his poison in every moment they ever had. Not because they didn't happen, but because during their years together, when they thought they belonged to _only_ one another, there was a small part of him that grew outside of their 'one'. He didn't plan it, he didn't even know about it, but not telling her there was a missing piece in puzzle, one that made him not _completely _hers, and he wanted to be hers and only hers more than he could ever tell, would destroy him slow burn. The lie resided here, Donna believing they were one, when in reality Harvey knew he was more than just a half.

So, when he walked into their living room, determined to tell her, it was only to find her sitting on the floor, a bottle of wine almost empty and with the glass in her hand, he didn't think to ask what was going on with her. He didn't notice her red eyes, result of hours of crying over the loss of their potential babies. He didn't notice she was still wearing her work dress. He didn't notice her messy hair, usually shaped into a bun. He didn't notice she didn't great him with a kiss nor a word. He didn't notice she didn't notice him.

He just wanted to get it off his chest so they could work it out.

He commenced, his hands shaking in his pockets. "Donna, I … uh… I have something to tell you…". he stopped, finally expecting something from her. But she didn't move, so he continued thinking she was waiting for the rest. "This morning, you remember there was a lady who wanted to speak with me…" his voice slowly began to shake. "Well the lady turned out to be Sybil Payne, I'm sure you remember her, she worked at the firm for a while…"

Donna finally turned her head, as if the name as in any kind picked her attention, but her look was still on the floor. He went on "Well, if she wanted to see me, it's because she had some… news for me" he paused, choosing his words wisely. He pictured this scene in his head a thousand time over, the next one seeming worst than the one before. He tried to prepare this moment, he tried to figure the best way he could announce her of his very sudden paternity. But he didn't_. Is there really a good way to tell your fiancé you are the father of some little girl with one of her long lost 'friend'? _He doubted there was. So, he lingered, telling himself it was better out than in anyway. "The… the thing she wanted to say to me is that… I… I mean we… oh god, um… she has a daughter."

_That bitch. Goof for her. For all I care._

"And I'm the father Don."

At his words, Donna's heart stopped.

_First sledgehammer_

Finally, out of her trans, she looked up at him, hoping for any sorts of a joke. But he wasn't joking. Not a single muscle on his face were messing with her. He was telling the truth.

"I'm sorry, what?!" she stands up, quickly, too quickly considering her _very _tipsy state. Harvey perceives the blindness in her mind, and some anger too.

"It's true Donna.". he couldn't look at her, it was too hard, way harder than he ever imagined.

"Wait wait wait wait wait," she turned her back on him, her head in her hands, breathing loudly as she tried to process what he just said to her. She turned and faced him again. "are you saying… that… that you actually have a … child?". She asked wishing she misheard due to too much wine. Praying to be wrong, as the words she just spoke didn't make any sense.

"Yes, Donna. That's exactly what I'm saying" he nodded, standing still, lost and not knowing what to do or what to say to make the situation less awkward for both of them.

"But, how… I mean it doesn't make any sense… I don't… I don't understand Harvey". A confused gaze on her face, she glanced at him and only notices now how scared he was.

"She, um, she wrote me a letter explaining everything, along with a picture. I know it's sound crazy Donna, but-"

"Where is the letter then?" she required, wanting to read that piece of paper by herself, with her own eyes.

"I gave it to Samantha, I asked her to find them" he answered.

_Second sledgehammer_

"What? Samantha knows about this?". She had every reason to be surprised, why would Samantha know about it before her?

"She does, I told her this afternoon". Harvey now only being an answering machine.

"This afternoon…." She whispered. And then she remembered. "Is that what you were doing all day? Discussing this new paternity with _Samantha_?" she knew her question was accusing and unfair. But she couldn't help it.

"Donna no please" he begged, "Look I'm sorry for today I just needed some time off, you know, to process all of it. Don't blame her I asked her not to tell anything I wanted to be the one you're learning this from" he tried, but ultimately failed.

Donna felt tears running down her cheeks. She didn't really know why. Was it from rage, or sadness, perhaps deception? Most likely exhaustion.

"Well Harvey you know you sound insane right?"

"Insane?" this time, he was the one being surprised. "how am I being insane?"

"Aren't you hearing yourself? Some woman you never slept with leaves you a letter saying you are her father's child! Harvey please you're cleverer than that, you know she is doing it for the money! How old is that girl anyway?". Donna's anger starting to take over her body. To be fair, she had quite a keen souvenir of the girl.

She was a pretty girl. She looked like Rachel, but a blond Rachel. She was maybe 6 or 7 years younger than them. A quiet, discreet lady, doing a good secretary job. But what she mostly remembered from her, was how deeply and madly she loved. The kind of one way love you can't get over with. The kind of love you never forget, no matter the time apart, no matter the years. You can't get rid of it. - Donna was sure they inspired the Iris/Graham dynamic in the movie _The Holiday _\- She was even quite bitter, when Sybil went to speak to him, or to ask him something. Harvey was no fool, and was well aware of her feelings for him, he simply didn't care. For everyone, it was because he was the perfect bachelor. But the truth was elsewhere. His heart was already belonging to Donna. It came as a surprise for everyone when short after the 2008 New Year's Eve party the firm gave, she quitted without a word. No one ever knew what happened to her.

"Charlie is 6. And Donna please I know this is hard to process but you have to believe me…". He didn't finish his sentence, Donna cutting him off. "Believe you or believe her? Because if my maths is right, you knocked her in the early 2008, only at this time she worked at the firm for a week and I know you didn't see her after that, so when did you sleep with her?" her tone insinuating she already has her answer.

He didn't deny it. "That night".

_Third sledgehammer_

Donna lowered her head, still crying, but this time she knew it was from anger. "So, let me get this straight Specter. You _fuck _a woman _that night_.". He could hear the pain in her voice as she pronounced the words. "You managed to lay yourself with her of all the woman you could have bring into your bed. You forgot a condom, surely because you were in such a hurry. She gets pregnant, has your child, keeps the secret from you for 6 years, tell you everything in a letter, and the first person you go to is Samantha, not even me? Please tell me if I forgot something because this is a hole package of info, I'm not sure how to properly keep up!" she shouted.

"I'm so sorry Donna… I know I hurt you and please trust me when I say it's the last thing I wanted to do. If I could go back and erase- "he couldn't finish his sentence. Because of what it would mean. It would mean erasing Charlie. He never met her, but he would already battle fate for her. He did regret the night; he didn't regret the consequence of it.

"Cut the bullshit would you, if you wouldn't want to hurt me, you would have kissed me that night" she accused him, taking a step closer to him, her finger pointing his chest.

"I got scared Donna, I freaked out!" he defended himself. A step closer.

"And you slept with another woman! Were you scared then when your cock was inside her?". And closer.

"Careful Donna" he warns. Now their foreheads were almost touching.

"Or what? You're gonna leave me and fuck her again? Maybe it's time to have a second child don't you think? Go on then, go live the life I can't offer you".

As the words fell of her mouth, she took a step back, getting him out of her sight as she burst into tears. Harvey totally armless before her, wondering what has got into her like this. He never saw her like that before. At all. This was not the Donna he knew and loved.

Taking her words to the letter, he grabbed his coat and keys making his way out, leaving her to her alcohol, anger, and despair. She was heartbroken. Telling her was maybe not a good idea after all…

He felt tears on his cheeks too. One more step, and a hand on the handle was all it took to leave her with her sorrow…

**Please don't hate me too much **

**Don't forget to review please.**

**Fran.**


	4. Bad Timing

**GUYS, I'm alive (well no because of 9x01 but), and it took me ages to write this chap and I'm so sorry for the long update and I hope you remember me and this fic.**

**And I hope you had your best time and best death because let's face it we are all in graveyards right now, watching Suits S9 premiere!**

**THANKS to those who followed/favoured/reviewed! My heart is full.**

**Big thanks to the people who helped me, I'm sure they know who they are and I love them 3000.**

**I also know there is kinda of a spelling mistake somewhere... this one is done on purpose ...;) ( yup Wika I'm looking at you gurl)**

**Good reading. **

**Fran XXXX**

_Bad Timing:_

She didn't see him cry as he walked out. She only heard the slamming door. A sharp, loud noise received like a knife in the guts. He dared leave her. She needed him and he ran off. She could still feel the tension they build in the living room. It was too much for her to take and by the silence in the house, it clearly was too much for him too. Still high on alcohol, she tried to come back to a more normal state with a cold shower.

She sat on the bathroom chill tiling, a fresh stream running on her bare skin. Head against the wall, knees in her arm, eyes closed, she listened to the calm song of the water, appreciating the simplicity of it. A simple chaos she thought. Deep breaths after deep breaths, her mind shout down a little bit more. She opened her eyes slowly, her gaze catching the racing rain. She was captivated by the pattern the drops formed before her. It was as if they were dancing, unrolling a perfect improvised routine made of embraces, clatters, splits to finally collide again and go bigger together. And the scheme kept repeating itself as new drops replaced the ones swallowed by the siphon, like it was inevitable; falling on –_ for _\- someone, running a bit together, crashing with someone else, fighting and breaking to finally coming back together and die as born, as one, swallowed by fate.

_Fucking irony_.

She was mad at him. Because he left. Because he didn't come straight to her when he read the letter the first time. Because he slept with her.

The souvenirs of the night slowly coming back. His smile when he saw her all dressed up. The shivers when she felt his touch on her bare back. The surprised look on her face when he led her to the dancefloor, and then in the empty hallway, ready to leave. Together. His hands holding her tightly, resting on her waist, like she was already his – _and God knows she was _-. Her head leaning on his toned chest, as they were waiting for Ray. His gaze when she lifted her face, lips almost touching. The closeness. She felt safe and secure. Something lighted up in his eyes that night. He was different, changed. She felt him ready for _more._

And two hours later, he was with someone else, creating life – _banging her -_

She got out of the shower almost an hour later, the alcohol still running through her veins, but her brain taking the control back. She put on her – _his _– Harvard sweater, a bra, and boxers, her usual evening suits and got back down in the living room. She cleaned the glass and bottle of wine and grabbed something to eat in the fridge before sitting down on the mattress doing the job of a couch. She turned on the Tv, searching for any kind of distractions. She finally stopped herself on an episode of _Sharp Objects _with Amy Adams. She wasn't much of a TV show girl, preferring the intimacy of a theatre room over the screen of a laptop, but Donna must admit, the actress' performance in this one got her to watch all season 1 in record time, amazed a little bit more each time by the complexity of Camille's mindset. The mix of feelings joining the need of freedom from her mother. The way she ran away from her emotions, guiding her directly in drunkenness. Donna got the loneliness of the girl tonight, more than she ever did before.

The credits were rolling and Donna was waiting for the next episode to start when she heard a knock on the door. A very familiar knock. _His _knock.

Confused, she went to check the door, opened it, and facing her, Harvey.

He had that same look on the face, the one he made a year ago when he came over her place. He was begging for her, not sure if she wanted him anymore. She saw the guilt in his eyes, every second living in the doubt of her rejection killing him a little bit more. He was sorry. She could hear the words in his gaze. He was sorry for how the evening turned out and he came back. That was something she wasn't sure of an hour ago. He came back and he was afraid of losing her. It looked like they had their own pattern too after all. _A fate?_

A sense of déjà vu playing, Donna took three steps back, growing the distance between them. A distance Harvey closed almost immediately as he ran to her, taking her in a longing kiss. He took his keys; he could have come in without knocking. But if he had done that, he wouldn't have known. He wouldn't have known if he was still accepted by her. In her.

Her opening the door, and inviting him in, it meant that they were okay. Despite their fights and differences, it meant she was still okay with him, with them. They weren't over. And right know it was all he wanted to acknowledge. He hadn't lost her. _Not yet._

Their brain switched off. He grabbed her by the knees as her legs wrapped around his waist. Taking them to their bedroom, another routine began. His tie, her sweater. His pants, her bra. His sh(k)irt, her panties.

He delicately placed her on the bed, hovering her now naked body. Breaking their kiss, they shared one of the most pure and profound looks they ever had. Harvey would have sworn he saw her soul that night. For Donna, she wished she could freeze this moment in time, them, naked and vulnerable, with only his brown eyes to look at. The sight and feel were surely sufficient for her.

It wasn't make-up sex, they weren't saying 'I'm sorry, you too, well then forgiven let's move on'. As much as they wanted too, there was too much to sort out before. No, it was reassuring sex. The one saying 'I still love you. I still want you'. Sex was their bridge towards one another, a place they always met. The year they spend together made them discover it. Of course, the other time played a role in it, but it was just a premise. Their younger selves weren't mature enough, nor was their relationship, to understand how deep the connection they shared was. And, after thirteen years and countless fantasies, when the second 'first time' happened, they discovered what 'making love' meant. They found a place that night, belonging to them only. A safe spot where nothing could tear them apart. Time after time, it became their refuge. Somewhere to hide when the storm that was life was too violent on them. As long as they had that, sharing kisses and touches, caressing each other's skin. Feeling their breaths taking away, hearing each other's orgasms, they were going to be okay. For a while at least.

They didn't speak, only moaned and screamed. Happy and relieved to have been able to found each other that night. There was faith after all…

_XXXXXXXXXX_

He opened his eyes the following morning, only to find her still tangled in his arms. In the same position they succumbed to sleep, limbs intertwined, flesh against flesh and heart against heart. She was already awake, her right hand slowly caressing his jawline. She was looking at him with her hazel eyes full of both love and fear, an uncommon look for her to give him.

There was something very paradoxical about them; they knew, deep down, they were always going to be there for one another. They would never back down from a fight meant to protect one of them. They knew each one of them was ready to sacrifice him/her-self for the other without any hesitation. They knew each other's fears and weaknesses, their flaws and despairs. And yet, they loved the other one more deeply than the centre of earth.

They were aware of those facts. Aware of the unconditional love they shared. They understood it, because they felt the same. They always have, and always will. Either they wanted it or not. They shared one brain, one heart, one soul, one life.

Nonetheless, they were constantly afraid. They also shared shady details, had dirty fights, made smear decisions in front of each other's face for more than a decade already. They saw each other dark sides, and it hadn't erased the fear of losing the loving one. Evil was done, but Fear wasn't gone.

That's why the fear yesterday, why the fear this morning.

He responded with a sad smile, frown brows and confused eyes. She must have guessed his fogginess because she leaned to great him with a reassuring kiss immediately.

As she broke her embrace, she gently paused her hand under his chin, eyes switching between his pupils and lips. She slowly whispered then: "Come with me today…"

To Harvey, it felt like she was pleading his presence somewhere, he felt her need. He didn't ask where to, he simply nodded, kissing her back to endorsed his already positive answer.

All was quiet on this Saturday morning. No happy giggles or angry warnings. You could have only heard the sounds of the microwave warming up the coffees, the toaster exiting the hot bread and the orange juice making its way from the bottle to the glasses.

The sound of silence filling their routine, until Donna finally parked the car in the fertility centre. She saw Harvey's confusion in his eyes when he looked back at her. She simply smiled, a fake one he, without any doubts, didn't believe in. Adding to that her weak 'it's okay' and there was nothing announcing good news this morning.

They stepped out of the car, Donna taking the lead, seeming to know exactly where to go, her assurance only confusing him more. He came to reach for her hand, like a lost child needing for warm contact. She gladly let him slip his fingers between hers, his thumb brushing her hand calming her. He felt her nervousness, but didn't dare to ask her. He knew she would tell him when the time would have come. But he hated seeing her so vulnerable, so unsure. Donna was a tough person, never letting anyone see she bled. Unfortunately for her good figure, Harvey was not anyone and he could see just by the way she bit her lower lip, she doubted. About what, he guessed he was going to find out.

They finally entered the building, the cold aura already making Harvey uncomfortable. There was a simple desk, just like the one back the firm's, with two receptionists answering requests. Behind them, can be spotted the floors explanation sign. He only detailed 8 floors, the two firsts one's being labs.

One of the two ladies of the reception happily greeted Donna with a 'Miss Paulsen, happy to see you again, Doctor Reilly's office is still on the sixth floor, she'll be waiting for you.' which caused Harvey an umpteenth questioning look today.

Donna gently responded back with a 'Thanks Hannah! I remember my way to the elevators'. The remarks only confirming Harvey's feeling on Donna already being familiar with the place.

Donna lead them by the hand to the machines, only a few feet away in the corridor. Hands still intertwined, Donna squeezed it, for her own reassurance. A younger couple joined them while taking place in the machine, Harvey and Donna positioning themselves back against the wall, facing the doors, when the husband and his wife remained close to the opening doors.

The doors closed with the four of them on board, the husband turned to Donna and asked:' Which floor for you?'

"The sixth please" she responded with a thankful grin.

"Oh, the same as ours! You're trying then? Well don't worry I'm sure it will work. They do have the best fertility doctors here, isn't that right hon?" the woman happily said.

Her husband added right away "They really do, we were desperate for a child a year ago! And look at us now! My beautiful wife is not far from five months pregnant and we're in heaven waiting for that little bun right here". The last part of his affirmation directly said to the woman's bump, a hand gently rubbing the rounded belly.

A very small and embarrassed 'thank you' managed to get out of Donna's mouth, incapable of looking at Harvey.

Feeling the embarrassed tension, they just brought up without knowing it, the young pair childishly smiled back at them, the ride up not seeming to end.

Harvey, breathless, slowly picked up the pieces and put them together. Her secret disappearance weeks ago. Her desperate wait for some call. Her mood swings. This building. The sixth floor. The fertility centre. She was checking herself. She wanted to have a family with him and she was checking if she still could. Of course, she was. He guessed she did that alone because she wanted to know what it would imply for them to star trying for a baby.

A mix of feelings suddenly invading him. First, joy, happiness, and impatience. They never discussed of children together before, even if they both knew they wanted to become parents at some point. And he was glad she came here because it meant she was as ready as him for a little strawberry kiddo running all over their house. Then, guilt, frustration, and sadness made their way to his heart too. Perhaps, if he hadn't been an idiot all this time, she wouldn't have to do all this because they would be in the perfect age to have babies without any kind of help. A year after his dream became true but he still couldn't stop blaming himself for the time he made them lost. And when all finally came together, the odds finally in their favour, Charlie made an appearance. Was it still the best time then? All of those feelings at the same time almost made him faint.

Instead, he turned his head towards hers and looked at her with one of those looks. The understanding looks. His eyes were saying all he couldn't voice.

'_You want it too. you want them too.'_

'_You came here for us'_

'_I am sorry I have to put you trough that'_

'_I wish you had told me'_

'_I love you, Donna'_

She wasn't looking back at him, so this time, he squeezed her hand, the move making her head turning to finally meet his gaze. And she felt like her burden faded away instantly. She didn't need to speak for him to understand, and she was glad for it. Their unspoken conversations and connections making the other knowing what the thought without saying it. It didn't happen much, herself being a woman of words, but for one time, she was happy not to use her weapons.

The elevator rang and the doors finally opened, releasing at the same time the pressure and tension built up during the ride. The couples took separate ways, Harvey and Donna still remaining silent, both in their bubble of fear for one, and excitement for the other.

They didn't wait long until the doctor asked for them to come in.

The three of them finally seated, Harvey and donna's hands were still bounding them.

'Hello to both of you, I am glad you could have come so rapidly Donna. Mr Specter, I would have loved to meet you under joyous circumstances.' The doctor finally said, a hint of sadness in her voice

'Thank you for receiving me this soon.' Donna politely added before turning to Harvey, agreeing with her.

'Yes, doctor it is very nice of you.'

'Alright, let's deep into it, shall we? Donna, as I briefly told you yesterday over the phone, we think you may have what we call an 'early menopause'.' The lady started

'An 'early menopause'? as in what?' Donna asked.

'It simply is an advanced interruption of your ovaries activities which ends into stopping you from having your periods' she nodded.

'I see you're telling me that my body is 50 already' Donna responded with only sarcasm.

Harvey, quite until then, allowed himself a joke knowing it will disarm her a little. 'Your body is far from 50 I can assure you that' a wink coming with it.

'Harvey'.

And it worked. She automatically turned her head and look at him with that semi angry-stop it eyes he loved so much.

'Donna, have you experienced any of the symptoms from this list?' the doctor getting the upper hand back, she handed her a piece of paper with all kind of state Donna never experienced before.

She negatively nodded 'No, no I haven't'.

Harvey stepped up 'But if I may ask, what does Donna's state implies for us, I mean she isn't sterile is she? How will it affect us on having babies?' his tone had slightly changed into a more concerned one.

'The chances of you too procreating naturally and succeed at it are almost down to 0. If you want to have a chance to be pregnant Donna, we will first need to be sure the early menopause is the cause of your sterility and then start a heavy hormones treatment to try to save a maximum of follicles we can. Also, mister Specter, since you don't have children either I- '

'Well, in fact I do'

'Might'

'have one. It is a possibility. A situation came recently. It's… complicated as you may see' Harvey sighed, Donna's adding still in his ears.

'I see. Then if your paternity isn't a 100% sure…' Dr. Reilly continued.

'It's not' the assuring tone of Donna breaking it once again.

'We might run a few tests on you too Harvey, taking all our chances for you to have a family of you own'.

_Of their own. _ Could it even be possible now? A family only belonging to them? To the _both _of them?

_XXXXXXXXXX_

The rest of the discussions was just logistics. Appointments were taken, further explanations given, along with precautions and recommendations.

'I know see why you had so much wine last night…' Harvey pointed while they were walking towards the car.

'yeah…you see' Donna replied, looking down.

'So, you weren't mad at me last night…?' he asked timidly

'Well I was mad at you yes! Still am. But not for the reasons you're thinking of' she pauses, taking a heavy breath, her gaze couldn't lock with his. A sob in the throat, she continued 'I am not mad because you may have a… a child somewhere. I am mad at you because when you learned you might, I was not the person you turned to for help. I should have been. I- I always have been this person to you, aren't I? but you called Samantha and somehow, I felt jealous. And I was hurting. And apart from your news, there was mine…' she stated.

'Donna no I'm sorry, I know I should have called you but, I was…I was afraid of how you would react considering…'he started

'The veracity of your news?' she finished.

'The news in itself. Don, I know you doubt but its true. I know it in my guts. Won't you trust me?' he almost begged.

'I trust you Harv, I just don't trust her. I'll be more than happy for you if you were ever to be the father, but considering on who the mother is, let me keep my doubts until you do a paternity test'. Donna sharply replied. He felt it. The paternity test wasn't questionable.

'You would?'

'I would what?' her voice showing her impatience.

'Be happy for me?'

'yes of course! Why wouldn't I?'

_Because it is not mine_

'I'm sorry'. He was getting closer to her.

_Because it is not yours_

'For what?'. His hands on her arms.

_Because it is not ours_

'For that night, and all the other I missed'. His gaze blocked with hers, full of sincerity. He was, oh God he was.

'It's okay Harvey, long forgiven', she simply replied, like he just excused himself for walking on her foot. Like she was not affected by it.

'So, you want a baby huh?' a Cheshire smile forming on his lips.

'I want a baby' she mimicked, 'Do you?'

He was about to answer when is phone rang in his pocket.

_Bad timing._

'You should get that. It may be important'.

He didn't want to go against her, so he looked at it. It was a text. From Samantha.

**I found them. -S.**


End file.
